Enraged with anger and sobbing uncontrollably, I wondered why I was not good enough. Didn't he say he loved me? That he wanted only me forever? I felt cheated on. Pushed aside. Thoughts were fumbling through my mind as I was trying to piece together what I just saw. 
 

My boyfriend masturbating to porn.
 

What started out as anger and disgust, turned into curiosity. I wanted to know why he desired to look at porn over me. I opened my laptop and went to the website he had just been on. I muted the volume so no one would hear what I was doing. Sexually explicit videos and pictures covered my screen. I was disgusted. Yet, I kept going. I clicked on a random video, and watched as the sex began in front of my eyes. I only watched about 2 minutes before I slammed my laptop shut.
 
How could he do this to me? Why would he want to make me feel this way?
 
Little did I know, that by exposing myself for just two minutes to porn, that I'd be addicted for years.
 
That was when I was 17, I am now 21. For the last four years, I have battled with a secret porn addiction. And if you are reading this, I'm sure you are too. It seems harmless at first. Just watching others have sex while you get off. That's a lie. It is anything but harmless. Porn destroys marriages. It consumes you. It's a drug, a drug in which you will need your fix.
 
Porn is a sin. Its lust at its very finest. Jesus said that whoever even looks upon a woman with lust in his heart has committed adultery. ( Matt. 5:28) We must repent for giving our flesh its lustful desires and give it to God. He can help us overcome our addictions.
 
"There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way of escape, that ye may be able to bear it." 1 Corinthians 1:13
 
Porn is a tough addiction to beat, especially in the times we live in. Porn is available at your fingertips. No need to rent it at video stores anymore or buy playboy. Porn was even in our theaters. Ever hear of 50 Shades of Grey? My point exactly. People think that porn is how the bedroom should be. NO! God made the bed sacred for 2 people joined together in marriage. We have soiled the sacredness of sex between a husband and wife and turned it into a show for all to see. 
 
But we must stick together brothers and sisters, and not let this addiction consume us anymore. Refuse to give Satan a foothold in your life and in your mind. Refuse to feed the porn industry. Refuse to let this addiction rule over your life. Reuse to let it be an Idol.
 
Remind him you are a child of the one true King and he has lost this battle. Claim victory over your life and over this addiction, in Jesus name!

— Mariah, Illinois


We get many stories like Mariah every day. Porn destroys marriages, relationships and families every year. If you know someone that is Mariah's position, please share this with them and help us spread the word and fight for purity! Let's continue to choose God over porn every day.

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